I have a friend who is 23 and in the earliest stage of divorce. So early that his side of the bed is still warm, he had to move out just weeks ago. Divorce is ugly, but this one is particularly awful and embarrassing for him and heartbreaking.
And people aren't helping him. Oh, don't get me wrong. Friends and family think they are but they really suck. Here are some examples of the "encouragement" he's been getting, and I'll share his reaction to it with you too.
"You'll be okay. I know it's hard now, but you'll look back and see that this is what is best."
"Don't worry, there is someone out there for you. It'll just take time."
Okay, so I know that these are seemingly nice things to say, but it made him feel crappy. Venting to me today, this is what he said he felt like saying to them:
"I just want to be like......you are all morons and missing the mark. As if I don't know this? I'm not a babbling lost fool."
Sometimes people say things to a person who is hurting just so they can feel better. They think its sympathy, but its lacking a serious amount of empathy that is necessary in being a real friend to that hurting person.
He's been pouring his heart out to me and I just listen. I don't know what else to do, really. It never ocurred to me to do anything at all.
I just needed to vent. People make me angry, and at the same time I wish I knew the perfect thing to say to make him feel better, and to make me feel better.
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