A life less like the one I'm living

Last night I was helping my sister make a blanket for a church auction, and we both got sucked into Dateline. Usually, I hate these faux news shows because well, I'm a media snob. I can't help it, I'm a product of the HU communications education I'm receiving. Anyway... I didn't watch any of the sex offender part of the show, but I did watch a segment about a gunman who walked into a college building in Ohio and killed one man, injured a few others and basically took 93 others hostage for more than 7 hours. It was really interesting because the man was 62 years old, and obviously mentally unstable.

But that is not the really why I'm writing. They showed some courtroom footage from the case and one of the hostages took the stand. He said that as soon as he saw the gunman he thought he was going to die. He said: "I just started thinking to myself, have I lived the best life I know how?"

I thought about that question for awhile but I was scared to ask it of myself. Because I obviously haven't lived as well as I know how. Sometimes it feels like I'm giving life my all, doing everything I can, but it's a lie really. My years since I graduated from high school have been this strange sort of half-life, where the focal point of my existence has been myself--my education, my feelings, my wants, my needs.

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what
God is looking for in men and women.It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just
to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And
don't take yourself too seriously—take God seriously. —Micah 6:8 (The
Message)

It hurts to read such beautiful words when who you are falls so short from who
He's called you to be.