And all this through self-reflection

I'm 20 years old, and I'm set in my ways.

I never meet anyone new anymore. Freshman year I did it out of survival. If I was going to make it so that I had at least one person to converse with in a day, I had to make a friend.

And I did meet some amazing people who have become my world. But that's it, it's my world. And when that delicate balance is threatened I go nuts. I do not step out of my comfort zone. Ever. Public speaking? No, thanks. And writing my column for the newspaper, where my thoughts and character and person are laid out there over two columns and 300 words? It is like pulling teeth to get that thing finished. Just the thought that someone could get to know me through that horrible column makes me sick. So I try to make it as poignant as possible without ever actually letting anyone in.

I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. And the number one reason, excluding the fact that I am a known feminist and man-hater--not to mention the scales underneath my clothes, is that I have refused to meet anyone. I don't make eye contact, actively listen or share myself in anyway with a person I meet. I shut them out. I don't have the time for anyone new in my life.

It has recently come to my attention that by shutting people out, even the evil male population, I could be limiting the opportunities God has out there for me. And while I do genuinely love my life right now and the direction it is leading, I'm not by any means comfortable in saying that this is all he has for me. But by not letting people in, that is exactly what I'm doing.

So tonight I did the unthinkable. One of many unthinkables I will probably allow in my life.
I let a friend set me up.

And it was hell. Utter torture at times...Completely awkward. He was shy and wouldn't talk and I leaned on my other friends there as this crutch and I hardly interacted with the poor guy at all. But at the same time, during all the awkwardness I could feel myself thriving underneath all the possibilities that meeting someone new brings into your life. And now, at the very least, I have a new facebook friend. Not so bad, really.

So I might be set in my ways, but I'm working on it. Promise.