I'm still learning about this whole small-town, local newspaper thing.
But apparently, full moon = big news day. And not necessarily the good kind of news. Before 11, we've already had a fire and a motorcycle crash. I'm just kind of sitting here waiting for the plagues to hit.
And, generally speaking, I kind of feel like the office is in a slight state of chaos today. Its the last day for one of our reporters, and its a Friday, which I'm sure had fed into the mess.
People in Morgan County are mean to each other. Not necessarily violent mean, but mean-spirited mean. Its just an observation from my first 5 weeks (halfway point, YAY). You would not even believe the horrible things people say to each other on message boards. Here is my favorite one. We had to take this comment down from the website...we take all the ones with profanity, violent threats or lewd comments down--
"I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain were on fire."
Now, I'm not going to give any names or even info about the situation its about... but its quite possibly the best, most creative stupid, hateful thing anyone has ever said.
I now use it daily.
Last night I slept in Lauren's room and we played "truth or dare" while we were falling asleep --(after we watched the best movie with the most horrible ending..."the Painted Veil"-- and I dared her to say it to Dad sometime today. And it has to be a time where he's not necessarily in a joking mood...maybe even when they are arguing about something. On second thought, she should wait until the Reds are on tonight, they always put him in the worst mood. A mood so bad, that even when I tell him I'm making a phone call, my friend Joanna still got to listen to my dad's rendition of Geaorge Carlin's "seven words you can never say on television" on her voicemail.
I'm not bitter, or anything. I'm also not bitter about the fact that 10 p.m., my weeknight bedtime, is apparently the time of night he must do all things that make a lot of noise. Honk the horn in the driveway...Run the mini-steam cleaner...Yell at the reds for blowing a two-run lead...those are just a few examples.
My dear friend Nichole is getting married tomorrow in souther michigan...I get to handle the wedding registry, which I'm actually kind of pumped about. Not the actual task itself (who wants to meet 200 strangers in an hour) but the fact that I don't have to be a bridesmaid. She kept it small. After tomorrow, she's going to be Mr. Edward Burl Sponseller. Not a great name, but he's a really great guy... I like him a lot.
My mommy's coming to take me out to lunch in a few minutes... exciting stuff.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
It's a day for Quotes
I'm in a mood to not have anything to say. I just want to surround myself with what other people have to say, stuff that moves me but lets me remain where I am at the same time. Here is some of what I've been reading...
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White
"I love the rain the most when it stops." - Joe Purdy
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
"So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young." - John Mayer
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - Anne Lamott
"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." - C. S. Lewis
"Goodbye is the best way that I know to forgive, and still be letting go." - Dave Barnes
"I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the halfway, the almost, the in-between." Dominique, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
"I think writer means you show people some beauty, you engage them in a story, you let them know that their life is much bigger and better than they thought it was, and to some degree you help people know that as a human being we really have a lot to identify with each other. And that's kind of it. I don't see my calling as being too much bigger than that." - Donald Miller
"There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it." - Christopher Darlington Morley
"If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." - Alvin Toffler
"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"Amos could think about Jesus for hours, how he inverted the status quo and begged us to lay down our weapons, how (and his is a stunner, as far as Amos was concerned) one of the tests scholars apply to the Gospels, in trying to determine what might be legitimately ascribed to Jesus, is this: what speech, what gesture, is the most unlikely in first-century Palestine? Find those, and ecce homo, you've found the Man." -- The Solace of Leaving Early, Haven Kimmel
"Goody, I love you."- Derek Morgan
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White
"I love the rain the most when it stops." - Joe Purdy
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
"So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young." - John Mayer
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - Anne Lamott
"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." - C. S. Lewis
"Goodbye is the best way that I know to forgive, and still be letting go." - Dave Barnes
"I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the halfway, the almost, the in-between." Dominique, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
"I think writer means you show people some beauty, you engage them in a story, you let them know that their life is much bigger and better than they thought it was, and to some degree you help people know that as a human being we really have a lot to identify with each other. And that's kind of it. I don't see my calling as being too much bigger than that." - Donald Miller
"There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it." - Christopher Darlington Morley
"If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." - Alvin Toffler
"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
"Amos could think about Jesus for hours, how he inverted the status quo and begged us to lay down our weapons, how (and his is a stunner, as far as Amos was concerned) one of the tests scholars apply to the Gospels, in trying to determine what might be legitimately ascribed to Jesus, is this: what speech, what gesture, is the most unlikely in first-century Palestine? Find those, and ecce homo, you've found the Man." -- The Solace of Leaving Early, Haven Kimmel
"Goody, I love you."- Derek Morgan
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
My ever-so-quiet life
My summer life is a quiet one. I know that I'm working on a newspaper, a daily. And there's a lot of hustle and bustle associated with interviews, deadlines, many phone calls, readers and sources calling to yell (I mean, complain) at you.
But at 4:00 I leave the office. And I'm alone for a half hour. Sometimes I'm on the phone, but not often. I get to listen to "All Things Considered," and just... think. About people and current events. My thoughts do not have to carry over into anything. I'm not going to be graded on them, and I won't be forced into some classroom discussion. They belong to me and only me.
A little while ago I was home alone for 10 days. My little sister went on a mission trip and my parent's went on their 25th anniversary trip. That house is so quiet when I'm the only one there. Sometimes I kept the TV or the radio on so there'd be noise, and I wouldn't have to resort to talking to myself. But a lot of the time, it was just me. And the quiet. I spent a few nights with friends but they all have real lives. There was one Friday night when everyone had plans, and I thought about going to see "Knocked up" by myself, then changed my mind and rented "Running with Scissors," "Little Children" and "Because I Said So" (I promise I can justify why I rented this movie). I also picked up a bottle of Oliver's while I was out. I came home and opened the bottle, cleaned the kitchen and made dinner. Sat down with dinner and watched all 1.5 movies before falling asleep BEFORE 10 p.m. It was a very slow, quiet night.
And I kind of feel like that is defining my whole summer. Yes, I'm learning a lot and getting my byline in the paper 2-3 times a week. It is a significant time in my life, but a quiet one. No drama to speak of, even with my little sister in my life. I haven't been really angry about anything in so long. 10 p.m. is my bedtime. Last night, it was 9. I was exhausted from, I don't know what. Sitting at this desk all day putting out copy for the county fair articles? Making 59,000 unreturned phone calls? Maybe its just the knowledge that I'm putting in 40 hours a week. A full-time job is a beast to me. I'm learning how to do my best, and still have a life.
I at the midway point in this internship, and I do like it. I like the people in the office and the work I've done so far. But I am so, SO ready to go back to school. Its going to be a piece of cake, and I think I'll get my life back.
Have I ever told you how much I love Joe Purdy? I, of course, have to give my friend Tabitha all the credit for the discovery, but he's fantastic. He has like, seven albums that he's independently put out and you can buy them all on itunes. He's folky without being annoying, and his voice just makes me long for something when I hear it. I'm not sure what, but something...
But at 4:00 I leave the office. And I'm alone for a half hour. Sometimes I'm on the phone, but not often. I get to listen to "All Things Considered," and just... think. About people and current events. My thoughts do not have to carry over into anything. I'm not going to be graded on them, and I won't be forced into some classroom discussion. They belong to me and only me.
A little while ago I was home alone for 10 days. My little sister went on a mission trip and my parent's went on their 25th anniversary trip. That house is so quiet when I'm the only one there. Sometimes I kept the TV or the radio on so there'd be noise, and I wouldn't have to resort to talking to myself. But a lot of the time, it was just me. And the quiet. I spent a few nights with friends but they all have real lives. There was one Friday night when everyone had plans, and I thought about going to see "Knocked up" by myself, then changed my mind and rented "Running with Scissors," "Little Children" and "Because I Said So" (I promise I can justify why I rented this movie). I also picked up a bottle of Oliver's while I was out. I came home and opened the bottle, cleaned the kitchen and made dinner. Sat down with dinner and watched all 1.5 movies before falling asleep BEFORE 10 p.m. It was a very slow, quiet night.
And I kind of feel like that is defining my whole summer. Yes, I'm learning a lot and getting my byline in the paper 2-3 times a week. It is a significant time in my life, but a quiet one. No drama to speak of, even with my little sister in my life. I haven't been really angry about anything in so long. 10 p.m. is my bedtime. Last night, it was 9. I was exhausted from, I don't know what. Sitting at this desk all day putting out copy for the county fair articles? Making 59,000 unreturned phone calls? Maybe its just the knowledge that I'm putting in 40 hours a week. A full-time job is a beast to me. I'm learning how to do my best, and still have a life.
I at the midway point in this internship, and I do like it. I like the people in the office and the work I've done so far. But I am so, SO ready to go back to school. Its going to be a piece of cake, and I think I'll get my life back.
Have I ever told you how much I love Joe Purdy? I, of course, have to give my friend Tabitha all the credit for the discovery, but he's fantastic. He has like, seven albums that he's independently put out and you can buy them all on itunes. He's folky without being annoying, and his voice just makes me long for something when I hear it. I'm not sure what, but something...
Monday, June 04, 2007
My first week in a newsroom
There has been so much happening, but not very much time to sit and process it all. I'm at work right now, with a few minutes before I've got to go into my editor's office for a staff meeting. This reporter thing is serious business. I only worked four days last week because of the holiday weekend, but I've written like 6-7 stories. A lot of them are briefs, but its seriously probably more than what I wrote all of last semester. I have had two top-of-the-fold, front page stories written... and Brian (my editor) made me write a column introducing myself to the Morgan County community. I hate columns, but this one went okay for me. I think it turned out pretty well, I've gotten a few compliments. Brian told me to connect myself to the county in some way. And I really have only one story that can do that for me... and the main character is Sarah the cow. It was fun to write.
You can check out all the Martinsville, Ind. happenings at www.reporter-times.com. If you're bored you can read about my bovine counterpart in the columns section.
I really didn't think that I was a very tense person before last week. But I've realized that I tense up when I'm writing. Even more so when I'm writing on deadline. My shoulders are aching right now. And my neck keeps cracking. I miss my dorm bed... the beautifully dirty but oh-so-soft mattress on a metal spring frame. I'll never sleep as well as I did those nights in Roush Hall. I've resorted a few nights to taking a half dose of Nyquil to help me sleep. I might as well just booze up before I hit the sack. Its the same effect. Five-six hours a night is just not going to cut it this summer.... I need my eight. Which means giving myself a 10:30 curfew on weeknights.
I'm not trying to complain. Actually, things are going amazingly well for me. Aside from the fact that I haven't seen my friends in over a week. I just have to figure out how my schedule is going to work out, and when Amy's done with classes, we'll have more time to hang out. I've spent a lot of mom time lately, though, and I'm loving it. She's a really great pal. We're bonding over weight watchers, my new summer project. My mom's really good at the whole points things...finding out how to eat the most for the least points possible. I told her that and she asked me if its because she's cheap, something my little sister usually calls her when she doesn't want to spend $50 on a worn-out tee shirt from Hollister bares too much midriff. But I told her she's just economically-savvy. I'm so the better daughter.
So that's the update.... its meeting time.
You can check out all the Martinsville, Ind. happenings at www.reporter-times.com. If you're bored you can read about my bovine counterpart in the columns section.
I really didn't think that I was a very tense person before last week. But I've realized that I tense up when I'm writing. Even more so when I'm writing on deadline. My shoulders are aching right now. And my neck keeps cracking. I miss my dorm bed... the beautifully dirty but oh-so-soft mattress on a metal spring frame. I'll never sleep as well as I did those nights in Roush Hall. I've resorted a few nights to taking a half dose of Nyquil to help me sleep. I might as well just booze up before I hit the sack. Its the same effect. Five-six hours a night is just not going to cut it this summer.... I need my eight. Which means giving myself a 10:30 curfew on weeknights.
I'm not trying to complain. Actually, things are going amazingly well for me. Aside from the fact that I haven't seen my friends in over a week. I just have to figure out how my schedule is going to work out, and when Amy's done with classes, we'll have more time to hang out. I've spent a lot of mom time lately, though, and I'm loving it. She's a really great pal. We're bonding over weight watchers, my new summer project. My mom's really good at the whole points things...finding out how to eat the most for the least points possible. I told her that and she asked me if its because she's cheap, something my little sister usually calls her when she doesn't want to spend $50 on a worn-out tee shirt from Hollister bares too much midriff. But I told her she's just economically-savvy. I'm so the better daughter.
So that's the update.... its meeting time.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
This is home...
Got home late in the afternoon on Thurs. Crying ensued when I realized that I was living at home for the entire summer. It was something I was supressing... didn't want't to believe that I am doing it again. Its not that I don't love my house, or my family, or my church or great home-friends...its just... there's a lot of drama that comes with living in this house. And I'm a little bit weary of drama. But my beautiful, newly English roommate came and stayed with us yesterday and I went to my first bar with my friends for my belated birthday bash. Nick's English Hut on Kirkwood, we had a lot of fun. Sat next to a table full of men and women in their 60's. I bet they thought we were babies. I kind of felt like one.
That's all for now...would write more if there were more to say. I have a 9 days until I go to work. 7 days until I must attend my friend Rach's baby shower. So weird that she's having a baby. Even weirder that she's naming her son Chandler.... Lord, help me not to laugh uncontrollably at this baby shower.
That's all for now...would write more if there were more to say. I have a 9 days until I go to work. 7 days until I must attend my friend Rach's baby shower. So weird that she's having a baby. Even weirder that she's naming her son Chandler.... Lord, help me not to laugh uncontrollably at this baby shower.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Finals, please be over soon
Three finals left, one magazine article to finish and a reflection essay to write. All happening tomorrow. Life sucks right now, but it will be better if I make it to tomorrow night.
Gilmore Girls is ending tonight. Definitely have mixed feelings about it...feel like this season has been disgusting. Full hour episodes that can be summarized in 35 seconds over the phone to my best friend in England... because nothing happens in this show anymore. But I am excited for the finale, and I can't even watch it live. Must beg my mother to tape it for me, then watch it Thur. when I get home. Damn you, responsibility. Why must you make me sacrifice my girls for studying?!
Gilmore Girls is ending tonight. Definitely have mixed feelings about it...feel like this season has been disgusting. Full hour episodes that can be summarized in 35 seconds over the phone to my best friend in England... because nothing happens in this show anymore. But I am excited for the finale, and I can't even watch it live. Must beg my mother to tape it for me, then watch it Thur. when I get home. Damn you, responsibility. Why must you make me sacrifice my girls for studying?!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
there is no way to cleverly title this post
Okay, so I haven't updated in awhile. But I don't feel like I've anything to write. Except for the fact that I got four dvd's at Movie Gallery for $18 on Tuesday--Stage Beauty, Rent, The Village and Friends with Money. I'd never seen Stage Beauty or Friends With Money before, but I really liked them, so apparently it was a good gamble.
Even if I'd have hated them, Tab would have bought them from me. She loves to own really bad movies. She also likes to own really good movies. So I guess she just likes movies. Gee, that was kind of a repetitive paragraph.
Stage beauty is about the drastic change of theatre in the 1700's, when the King of England proclaimed that women could perform on the stage. Billy Crudup's character, at the time, was the most famous leading lady, and his dresser, Claire Danes replaces him when the it becomes illegal for men to play women on stage. The whole film deals with gender identity. What did it do to men who were so good at being feminine that it started to change their sexuality? It is really sexual, but not really graphic. For a movie that is all about whether or not you have a particular appendage, I thought it was really tasteful. And I love Billy Crudup. He's beautiful and he plays these amazing roles. It was a little weird for me to see him dressed as a women, and gay, but he was so real about it all. His mannerisms were terrific. This film is kind of like Shakespeare in love, but I think I like it better because it is so much more realistic, and there wasn't really any adultery--I cannot stomach watching adultery, it just ruins a movie for me.
Friends with Money was good but not great. It was kind of like a slice of life film, rather than a story that begins, reaches some kind of climax then ends. I like these kind of movies, I really do. I get caught up in scenes individually, I think. And the dialogue and conversations they have. It was almost like a play more than a movie. Lots of talk, talk, talk, and very little action of any kind. Jennifer Aniston bugged me though. She played the exact same character as she did in The Good Girl, which I really hated. So creepy, yuck. Joan Cusack was amazing in it though. I can't explain it, but it was like she finally discovered a way to not play so freaking quarky and weird. She's funny that way, but it was nice to see her in a different kind of role.
So, these movies were good. It feels good to process them like this on here. I don't know anyone else who's see them yet, so I can't really talk about them with anybody.
So the Huntingtonian came out today, and I was finally satisfied with how my column turned out. I think it's because I knew exactly what and who I wanted to target. The trick was getting my point across without anyone reading it and feeling attacked. I hate confrontation, and I don't feel like I have the right to attack people in that capacity. Its not really fair, they don't have 350 words a month to bitch about the world or the institution or whatever injustice that is the most trendy righ now. So I try to slip my agenda in there. Here it is, if you're curious.
Integrity Wins, no contest
I distinctly remember sitting on the floor of the locker room. It was all a vicious rumor, he said. Staring up at him and his tear-stained cheeks, I felt sorry and guilty for the accusations and gossip that came out of my mouth in that very room. He said he was innocent, and I believed him.
Oh, to be young and naïve again. Appearances aren’t always what they seem. You might add, especially when it comes to those in roles of leadership.
I learned this the hard way. We all do. I’d be naïve to think that you had never been let down by someone you trusted—a teacher, a parent, a sports hero, an administrator or friend.
My first lesson of integrity—or lack thereof—came from my coach in high school. His affair with one of his assistants destroyed any relationship we had. Even if it meant having to break in a new coach my senior basketball season, I couldn’t wait until we lost in the sectional so he could be out of my life.
The more it happens to me—the more the people I admire let me down—the more this theory I have starts to ring true. It is not the indiscretion, but the cover-up that is so unbearable.
If you mess up, I’ll get over it. It happens. People disappoint, foul up and even commit crimes. But you lie to me, and you’re a double offender.
It might not be fair, the fact that we hold our leaders to a higher standard. But that’s not important, really. What matters is that we do our part to keep integrity thriving in our community.
The rumor is out that integrity is a dying concept. That the end is far greater than the means you take to get there.
But success means nothing if we are going about it in the wrong way. I’m scared that our love of prestige—awards, championships and accolades—has begun to trump honesty and hard work.
On the grand scale of things that really matter, we know right will always beat wrong. The truth can always defeat a lie, and integrity will live on.
Wouldn’t it be great to come out on the winning side?
Even if I'd have hated them, Tab would have bought them from me. She loves to own really bad movies. She also likes to own really good movies. So I guess she just likes movies. Gee, that was kind of a repetitive paragraph.
Stage beauty is about the drastic change of theatre in the 1700's, when the King of England proclaimed that women could perform on the stage. Billy Crudup's character, at the time, was the most famous leading lady, and his dresser, Claire Danes replaces him when the it becomes illegal for men to play women on stage. The whole film deals with gender identity. What did it do to men who were so good at being feminine that it started to change their sexuality? It is really sexual, but not really graphic. For a movie that is all about whether or not you have a particular appendage, I thought it was really tasteful. And I love Billy Crudup. He's beautiful and he plays these amazing roles. It was a little weird for me to see him dressed as a women, and gay, but he was so real about it all. His mannerisms were terrific. This film is kind of like Shakespeare in love, but I think I like it better because it is so much more realistic, and there wasn't really any adultery--I cannot stomach watching adultery, it just ruins a movie for me.
Friends with Money was good but not great. It was kind of like a slice of life film, rather than a story that begins, reaches some kind of climax then ends. I like these kind of movies, I really do. I get caught up in scenes individually, I think. And the dialogue and conversations they have. It was almost like a play more than a movie. Lots of talk, talk, talk, and very little action of any kind. Jennifer Aniston bugged me though. She played the exact same character as she did in The Good Girl, which I really hated. So creepy, yuck. Joan Cusack was amazing in it though. I can't explain it, but it was like she finally discovered a way to not play so freaking quarky and weird. She's funny that way, but it was nice to see her in a different kind of role.
So, these movies were good. It feels good to process them like this on here. I don't know anyone else who's see them yet, so I can't really talk about them with anybody.
So the Huntingtonian came out today, and I was finally satisfied with how my column turned out. I think it's because I knew exactly what and who I wanted to target. The trick was getting my point across without anyone reading it and feeling attacked. I hate confrontation, and I don't feel like I have the right to attack people in that capacity. Its not really fair, they don't have 350 words a month to bitch about the world or the institution or whatever injustice that is the most trendy righ now. So I try to slip my agenda in there. Here it is, if you're curious.
Integrity Wins, no contest
A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity. - Baltasar Gracian
I distinctly remember sitting on the floor of the locker room. It was all a vicious rumor, he said. Staring up at him and his tear-stained cheeks, I felt sorry and guilty for the accusations and gossip that came out of my mouth in that very room. He said he was innocent, and I believed him.
Oh, to be young and naïve again. Appearances aren’t always what they seem. You might add, especially when it comes to those in roles of leadership.
I learned this the hard way. We all do. I’d be naïve to think that you had never been let down by someone you trusted—a teacher, a parent, a sports hero, an administrator or friend.
My first lesson of integrity—or lack thereof—came from my coach in high school. His affair with one of his assistants destroyed any relationship we had. Even if it meant having to break in a new coach my senior basketball season, I couldn’t wait until we lost in the sectional so he could be out of my life.
The more it happens to me—the more the people I admire let me down—the more this theory I have starts to ring true. It is not the indiscretion, but the cover-up that is so unbearable.
If you mess up, I’ll get over it. It happens. People disappoint, foul up and even commit crimes. But you lie to me, and you’re a double offender.
It might not be fair, the fact that we hold our leaders to a higher standard. But that’s not important, really. What matters is that we do our part to keep integrity thriving in our community.
The rumor is out that integrity is a dying concept. That the end is far greater than the means you take to get there.
But success means nothing if we are going about it in the wrong way. I’m scared that our love of prestige—awards, championships and accolades—has begun to trump honesty and hard work.
On the grand scale of things that really matter, we know right will always beat wrong. The truth can always defeat a lie, and integrity will live on.
Wouldn’t it be great to come out on the winning side?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
The burden's gone now
For the past three weeks, since the bloody day I mailed in my Pulliam internship application, I haven't been sleeping well. I have these sores on the inside of my cheeks, because I've been biting my mouth in my sleep, and I'm lucky if I sleep four consecutive hours. This is not me. I am a unabashed heavy, sometimes to the point of snoring, sleeper. But this is a huge thing.... where am I going to intern? Where am I going to live this summer...? I like the unknown as long as it is not imminently upon me.
So I'm not sure that its a coincidence that mere hours after I got the call, telling me I'd won a Pulliam internship for the summer, that I fell asleep for three hours, from 6-9 p.m. No more unknown. Nothing more to worry about. What am I going to do with myself. Sleep, and sleep some more.
I'm so excited. I'll be working at the Martinsville Reporter-Times and living at home. I'll still get to do stuff with OVCF, and my bestest friend Shelle is going to be finally spending a summer at home. So we'll get to see loads of each other.
The actual newspaper part, though, leaves me a little nervous. But there is no point in getting nervous about that now. It will be hard work but, its kind of my dream, so I guess I'm going to love it.
So I'm not sure that its a coincidence that mere hours after I got the call, telling me I'd won a Pulliam internship for the summer, that I fell asleep for three hours, from 6-9 p.m. No more unknown. Nothing more to worry about. What am I going to do with myself. Sleep, and sleep some more.
I'm so excited. I'll be working at the Martinsville Reporter-Times and living at home. I'll still get to do stuff with OVCF, and my bestest friend Shelle is going to be finally spending a summer at home. So we'll get to see loads of each other.
The actual newspaper part, though, leaves me a little nervous. But there is no point in getting nervous about that now. It will be hard work but, its kind of my dream, so I guess I'm going to love it.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Spring Break was really good, and coming back to school was kind of harsh. Prob and Stat Exam, huge feature story due, anxiously awaiting my rejection letter from the Pulliam Foundation. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to get a full nights sleep again. I blame my stupid worrying, but I also blame my new habit. I've started to go to bed early, then set my alarm early in the morning so that I can study/finish my assignment for my 9:00 so that I can get more sleep. This does not tur S out very well, sadly. And I've started to get these sores on the inside of my cheeks, and Slang told me that her dentist said that its a stress thing--she's been doing the same thing. And I've been dreaming a whole lot more, lately. Disturbing dreams, where I'm the bad guy. I don't like being the bad guy.
I figured out my schedule for next semester and filled out my graduation application. A handful of required classes and I'm done with school. So scary. I don't even know what I want to do with myself tomorrow afternoon, let alone after school. I am thinking that I really want to go to graduate school, but this is going to mean taking out loans and thats scary on a whole other level. IUPUI has this masters in media studies program that looks really fun, but who knows what I'll want to do next year.
Just venting until I got tired enough to close my eyes. I think I'm there.
I figured out my schedule for next semester and filled out my graduation application. A handful of required classes and I'm done with school. So scary. I don't even know what I want to do with myself tomorrow afternoon, let alone after school. I am thinking that I really want to go to graduate school, but this is going to mean taking out loans and thats scary on a whole other level. IUPUI has this masters in media studies program that looks really fun, but who knows what I'll want to do next year.
Just venting until I got tired enough to close my eyes. I think I'm there.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
To the friend that I miss
Dear friend,
I'm angry with you. And I know it isn't all your fault--I am prepared to shoulder some of the blame. But seriously, where have you been? Weekly phone calls have ceased and you aren't even responding to my emails anymore. I'm starting to feel like a desperate, needy friend. Kind of like a role-reversal, no offense. But when you contacted me this fall I knew it was because you didn't feel like you had anyone else. And I was there. It was awkward as hell to be there for you, listening to the really adult problems you were going through and not telling you my opinion when you were backsliding a little. But you got stronger, and you got happier. Which made me so happy, you have no idea how good it feels to know that you are moving forward from this, that you're going to be okay. But really friend, I'm starting to feel like since you don't need me anymore, you're not going to make the effort to keep our friendship alive. You've done this before, and I feel like we are reverting back to our old habits.
If I've done anything, or said anything, to make you want to stay away, I'd like to know so that I can understand why this is happening. And even if it is something going on completely on your end, I'd still like to know why this relationship doesn't seem to be in existence anymore. I have plenty of spare time this semester, you don't have to feel weird about calling me, promise. I don't have to make time for you anymore, I have the time to be your friend. I didn't have that time last semester, but I made sure I was available. And now that Sarah isn't here, you are the person who I'm the closest to emotionally, and you aren't returning my calls/emails. Why, friend? I'm the one who needs you now, can't you pick up on that? I don't want a huge commitment. I just want to stay caught up in your life so I know how I can be praying for you, how you are doing. And it would be nice to have someone I can be vulnerable with... because I just don't have that without you and Sarah.
I'm sure that this letter isn't fair, I'm just venting my frustrations. I'll be okay if this thing dies again, I know I will. But I was so sure we were going to be okay this time. That this was the journey we were supposed to take, that God was a part of you coming back into my life, in a new, completely friends, no-awkwardness way. I'll be okay, but it doesn't mean it hurts less right now.
Sincerely,
Sarah
I'm angry with you. And I know it isn't all your fault--I am prepared to shoulder some of the blame. But seriously, where have you been? Weekly phone calls have ceased and you aren't even responding to my emails anymore. I'm starting to feel like a desperate, needy friend. Kind of like a role-reversal, no offense. But when you contacted me this fall I knew it was because you didn't feel like you had anyone else. And I was there. It was awkward as hell to be there for you, listening to the really adult problems you were going through and not telling you my opinion when you were backsliding a little. But you got stronger, and you got happier. Which made me so happy, you have no idea how good it feels to know that you are moving forward from this, that you're going to be okay. But really friend, I'm starting to feel like since you don't need me anymore, you're not going to make the effort to keep our friendship alive. You've done this before, and I feel like we are reverting back to our old habits.
If I've done anything, or said anything, to make you want to stay away, I'd like to know so that I can understand why this is happening. And even if it is something going on completely on your end, I'd still like to know why this relationship doesn't seem to be in existence anymore. I have plenty of spare time this semester, you don't have to feel weird about calling me, promise. I don't have to make time for you anymore, I have the time to be your friend. I didn't have that time last semester, but I made sure I was available. And now that Sarah isn't here, you are the person who I'm the closest to emotionally, and you aren't returning my calls/emails. Why, friend? I'm the one who needs you now, can't you pick up on that? I don't want a huge commitment. I just want to stay caught up in your life so I know how I can be praying for you, how you are doing. And it would be nice to have someone I can be vulnerable with... because I just don't have that without you and Sarah.
I'm sure that this letter isn't fair, I'm just venting my frustrations. I'll be okay if this thing dies again, I know I will. But I was so sure we were going to be okay this time. That this was the journey we were supposed to take, that God was a part of you coming back into my life, in a new, completely friends, no-awkwardness way. I'll be okay, but it doesn't mean it hurts less right now.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Absolute? God only knows, I'm tired of thinking about it.
Rob Bell got to me again. In this random moment of complete boredom and self-loathing, I picked up "Velvet Elvis" again last night and read this:
I've mentioned before that I'm in capstone seminar--this class set up for seniors to process their Huntington experience and the faith-based learning they've paid nearly $100,000 for. Well right now we are reading this book called "The Myth of Certainty" and it is all about what it looks like to be a reflective Christian, or at least, the dilemma one runs into when trying to be reflective. This has occupied a lot of my free thought time, especially one sentence the author wrote. He said, in effect, that there is no absolute truth, no certainty, that we can attain about anything.
This statement made me want to throw the book against a wall, then I realized that it is just a book and that this is only one man's idea. No absolute truth? That flies in the face of most of what I've learned as I've come into my faith. Most of what I've been taught in HU ministry classes, for sure. If certainty is really a myth, how can I be certain I'm right? And to echo that statement--although I would never say it out loud, but I caught myself thinking it--how can I know that everyone else is wrong?
Then I realized what my issue was. Me. I want to be right. Self-assurance is my goal in becoming a "reflective" Christian. Why is it so important to keep convincing myself when I've already bought into it all? "Bought in" might be a harsh phrase to describe what I mean, which is that I've surrendured my life to Christ because I believe he's more than just a moral man that belongs in the history books. He is my Savior, my King who has a better way for me.
And then I got it. In a way that made me want to lock myself away for fear of all the other hidden agendas I probably have under my belt, hidden so well I'm not even aware of them. I want to be right. I want to win. Not only do I want to be right about God, but I want my opponents--anyone who DARES feel a different kind of certainty about God, anyone with another point of view--to be WRONG. When its time for this world to go by the wayside, I want God to split everyone up into three categories. A wrong group, a right group, and an "I was too busy to care" group. And I want to be in that right group. Right, right, right... I want to be the one who has it all figured out.
I'm sorry for being that girl.
Now I know that I've got it all wrong. My words, my politics, my worldviews, my feeble knowledge, my bloated ego could never wrap my mind around the nature of God. That doesn't mean that He isn't worth pursuing, because, what an amazing life that would be... But I am not right about him. I'm just as wrong as the self-proclaimed atheist who whole-heartedly believes that we're on our own in this vast place in the universe. Because if I can't be right about it all, I'm wrong. And I believe that God has revealed fragmented, molecule-sized parts of his absoluteness with me, but it's broken knowledge without the whole picture.
There is a myth out there called certainty. God is bigger than my words and ideas about him. I'm not right and you're not wrong... but we get to pursue the truth together at least. That's a little comforting. Ben Lee says it in his own amazingly corny way in the song that I love right now:
Once again, the springs [doctrines] aren't God. They have emerged over time as
people have discussed and studied and experieinced and reflected on their
growing understanding of who God is. Our words aren't
absolutes. Only God is absolute, and God has no intention of sharing
this absoluteness with anything, especially words people have come up with to
talk about him. This is something people have struggled with since the
beginning: how to talk about God when God is bigger than our words, our brains, our worldviews, and our imaginations.
I've mentioned before that I'm in capstone seminar--this class set up for seniors to process their Huntington experience and the faith-based learning they've paid nearly $100,000 for. Well right now we are reading this book called "The Myth of Certainty" and it is all about what it looks like to be a reflective Christian, or at least, the dilemma one runs into when trying to be reflective. This has occupied a lot of my free thought time, especially one sentence the author wrote. He said, in effect, that there is no absolute truth, no certainty, that we can attain about anything.
This statement made me want to throw the book against a wall, then I realized that it is just a book and that this is only one man's idea. No absolute truth? That flies in the face of most of what I've learned as I've come into my faith. Most of what I've been taught in HU ministry classes, for sure. If certainty is really a myth, how can I be certain I'm right? And to echo that statement--although I would never say it out loud, but I caught myself thinking it--how can I know that everyone else is wrong?
Then I realized what my issue was. Me. I want to be right. Self-assurance is my goal in becoming a "reflective" Christian. Why is it so important to keep convincing myself when I've already bought into it all? "Bought in" might be a harsh phrase to describe what I mean, which is that I've surrendured my life to Christ because I believe he's more than just a moral man that belongs in the history books. He is my Savior, my King who has a better way for me.
And then I got it. In a way that made me want to lock myself away for fear of all the other hidden agendas I probably have under my belt, hidden so well I'm not even aware of them. I want to be right. I want to win. Not only do I want to be right about God, but I want my opponents--anyone who DARES feel a different kind of certainty about God, anyone with another point of view--to be WRONG. When its time for this world to go by the wayside, I want God to split everyone up into three categories. A wrong group, a right group, and an "I was too busy to care" group. And I want to be in that right group. Right, right, right... I want to be the one who has it all figured out.
I'm sorry for being that girl.
Now I know that I've got it all wrong. My words, my politics, my worldviews, my feeble knowledge, my bloated ego could never wrap my mind around the nature of God. That doesn't mean that He isn't worth pursuing, because, what an amazing life that would be... But I am not right about him. I'm just as wrong as the self-proclaimed atheist who whole-heartedly believes that we're on our own in this vast place in the universe. Because if I can't be right about it all, I'm wrong. And I believe that God has revealed fragmented, molecule-sized parts of his absoluteness with me, but it's broken knowledge without the whole picture.
There is a myth out there called certainty. God is bigger than my words and ideas about him. I'm not right and you're not wrong... but we get to pursue the truth together at least. That's a little comforting. Ben Lee says it in his own amazingly corny way in the song that I love right now:
Woke up this morning
i suddenly realized
we're all in this together
i started smiling
cause you were smiling
and we're all in this together
I'm made of atoms
you're made of atoms
and we're all in this together
and long division
just doesnt matter
cause we're all in this together
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Are you kidding me... attractive?
I'm a communication major, and I just want to say that I love the First Amendment almost as much as I love my mother. Not quite, but still. I love that I can come up with whatever I want, off the top of my head, and I can say it out loud. Better yet, I can write it down. And in today's world, I can write it down on a medium like this nifty blog and it can be accessed by whoever, whenever. And no one can control it, no one has a say in what I want to say. Which is why, right now, I hate the First Amendment. Because anyone in the world can say whatever they want to and anyone can read it. I know, I know. I'm a contradiction, which is nothing new for me. Here's the story.
So there's this guy on campus. And he's discovered the array of opportunities that Facebook has for him to post his thoughts. In particular, his thoughts on the women of this campus. The ratio at good 'ol HU is a beautiful 2 to 1, something I tend to enjoy because I'm in a period of my life where I revel in a day where I don't have to interact with a male. His thoughts, which didn't offend me until he turned it into a written manifesto, are that even though there are more girls than guys here, guys are having to "settle" if they want to be in a relationship here. I'll quote his exact words:
Needless to say, he recieved over 60 comments on his little note. From some very angry ladies who felt like they were being judged like USDA grades of meat, and even from some guys who thought that this note was just not cool. And there were supporters of his statements, too. I can't for the life of me relate to a woman's mentality that a statement like this is funny, let alone appropriate for a guy who is a paid leader on campus. This note brought out the worst in people, to be sure, either through their anger or their approval of the comments.
But I could really care less. Until he wrote another note clarifying what he meant by the word "attractive":
Now I'm just pissed off. I can handle people who are ready to judge appearance because frankly, there is a standard aesthetic in this world that we all try to live up to. Its this huge, ugly monster who stands next to every girl (or guy, I guess) looking into a mirror and says "that's just not quite good enough." I've battled that monster every day. Some days I win, and others I don't. But there is a standard that is commonly accepted to judge the outside of a person.
But when someone has the nerve to begin judging the complex insides of a person the same way they would a beauty contest, I'm offended beyond words. I cannot change, at least to a strong degree, how I look. But my heart, my personality, the stuff going on in my mind--that is something God and I have been creating together for a long time. Its been hard and some days I think it would be easier to let someone else... (maybe a guy like the note writer) to tell me what he's looking for in a friend/romantic partner so I can begin to adapt myself to meet his expectations. But I'm me and I love it. I'll be honest, most days I'm astounded that any one person could find worth in me at all, but I really have found that for myself. And I don't fit into this creative/artsy/out-of-the-box/"look at me, I'm so original" standard that this guy is probably looking for when he's talking about "attractive" girls. But the thing about people who are into originality, is that it becomes this standard thing... which defeats the entire purpose. My best friend told me she really thinks it is all about appearance with people like that, and I tend to agree.
If this is the way I feel from a note like this, someone who is at least midly self assured and comfortable with herself, how are other girls handling crap like this? This is a case where I feel like I want to protect people from it somehow... because I know they are going to take something like this the wrong way and it will do damage.
I really wish he had just been talking about the lack of "hot girls" on campus, and how the poor men have to settle if they want a girlfriend. I can't talk about it anymore, it just makes me so sad.
So there's this guy on campus. And he's discovered the array of opportunities that Facebook has for him to post his thoughts. In particular, his thoughts on the women of this campus. The ratio at good 'ol HU is a beautiful 2 to 1, something I tend to enjoy because I'm in a period of my life where I revel in a day where I don't have to interact with a male. His thoughts, which didn't offend me until he turned it into a written manifesto, are that even though there are more girls than guys here, guys are having to "settle" if they want to be in a relationship here. I'll quote his exact words:
Since the campus has very little outside exposure most of the guys look on
campus for a lady friend. Now since there are few extremely attractive girls the
guys are left with what they can find. So why is this good news for the ladies
in the middle range? Simple, the guys settle. So take heart ladies, for at HU
you can get the guy who is out of your league! It is a beautiful thing!
Needless to say, he recieved over 60 comments on his little note. From some very angry ladies who felt like they were being judged like USDA grades of meat, and even from some guys who thought that this note was just not cool. And there were supporters of his statements, too. I can't for the life of me relate to a woman's mentality that a statement like this is funny, let alone appropriate for a guy who is a paid leader on campus. This note brought out the worst in people, to be sure, either through their anger or their approval of the comments.
But I could really care less. Until he wrote another note clarifying what he meant by the word "attractive":
To be more clear, my observation is simply this, there are less quality
attractive guys(meaning more than just looks) than quality attractive
girls(again more than just looks). I have noticed that a lot of the girls who
look good have had less than good personalities, and I have met some really
unattractive girls who have amazing personalities, very few that I have met had
both. That is where the settling comes in.
Now I'm just pissed off. I can handle people who are ready to judge appearance because frankly, there is a standard aesthetic in this world that we all try to live up to. Its this huge, ugly monster who stands next to every girl (or guy, I guess) looking into a mirror and says "that's just not quite good enough." I've battled that monster every day. Some days I win, and others I don't. But there is a standard that is commonly accepted to judge the outside of a person.
But when someone has the nerve to begin judging the complex insides of a person the same way they would a beauty contest, I'm offended beyond words. I cannot change, at least to a strong degree, how I look. But my heart, my personality, the stuff going on in my mind--that is something God and I have been creating together for a long time. Its been hard and some days I think it would be easier to let someone else... (maybe a guy like the note writer) to tell me what he's looking for in a friend/romantic partner so I can begin to adapt myself to meet his expectations. But I'm me and I love it. I'll be honest, most days I'm astounded that any one person could find worth in me at all, but I really have found that for myself. And I don't fit into this creative/artsy/out-of-the-box/"look at me, I'm so original" standard that this guy is probably looking for when he's talking about "attractive" girls. But the thing about people who are into originality, is that it becomes this standard thing... which defeats the entire purpose. My best friend told me she really thinks it is all about appearance with people like that, and I tend to agree.
If this is the way I feel from a note like this, someone who is at least midly self assured and comfortable with herself, how are other girls handling crap like this? This is a case where I feel like I want to protect people from it somehow... because I know they are going to take something like this the wrong way and it will do damage.
I really wish he had just been talking about the lack of "hot girls" on campus, and how the poor men have to settle if they want a girlfriend. I can't talk about it anymore, it just makes me so sad.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
A little self reflection
So in my Capstone Seminar we had to write essays about ourselves. I really don't like writing about myself at all. But its nice that our prof. wants to get to know us I guess. This class is all about sorting through everything you've gotten out of life at Huntington, and I'm excited about it. Anyway... below is my essay. The whole time I was writing it I felt like I was blogging. So I guess posting it makes sense.
Self Reflection Essay
I’ve never been very sure of how to start essays like this without sounding trite, or like I’m describing myself in some sort of singles advertisement. But I guess I’ll just start with the basics. I’m twenty years old and in my third year at HU. I started out as a double major, studying youth ministry and journalism but I recently dropped down to a youth ministry minor. My routine 18-credit hour semesters are behind me and I actually have time to read for my classes now. And I get to read for fun, and breath. Breathing is good. This year I have also been serving as the editor in chief of The Huntingtonian, which has occupied a lot of hours and thought in my life this year, but I absolutely love being a part of it.
I am the second of three daughters born to two people who grew up in the same little Indiana town, became teachers and got married. My dad is a basketball coach and therefore has moved us from one tiny Indiana town to another—he even spent two years coaching at a tiny college in Ohio—essentially in pursuit of winning a few games. Both of my parents came from a Christian background, but their personal faith was kind of shallow for most of my childhood. It has been just the last few years, as my faith was radically changing, that my parents’ did as well. But church was always important for them, and their background helped to build a few foundational truths in my life that I really believe have driven me to where I am—the existence of an almighty and loving God and the importance of being a part of a church family. Children’s church, Sunday school, Vacation Bible School and church camps helped to fill in all of the gaps for me and when I was nine I began to understand who Jesus was and what a monumental thing he did for me. I was baptized the summer before I started fourth grade.
My faith for about three years was much like my parents, shallow and without any real responsibility of action or service to God. Through junior high though, with youth group, some really great conferences I got to attend and summer camp, I started to realize what it looked like not to simply accept what Jesus did for me, but to live like Christ’s sacrifice meant something to me. When I was sixteen I attended a Christ in Youth conference in South Carolina with my youth group, and felt God calling me to prepare myself for a life of ministry. At the time I felt like if you were called to minister, it meant that it was to be a full-time vocation. I began teaching children’s church and my youth pastor Brad became a great mentor and brother-like presence in my life. I started my freshman year at Huntington double majoring in youth ministry and journalism, as I said before. It was always an internal struggle for me—I felt like I had to choose between youth ministry and journalism, something that I have a natural talent and passion for.
The past two and a half years at HU have taught me that every call from God is perfectly tailored to each individual. Working with youth will always be a priority in my life, but taking a leadership role in a church or ministry organization is not where God is calling me right now, it seems. But when God spoke to me at 16, I was limiting the possibilities he had for my life. I always thought that my persistence to study journalism was me being selfish, but I am almost sure that is where he wants me to be. But what am I going to do when this college stage of my life is over? I really couldn’t tell you. I’d love to be writing for a news outlet somewhere, and working with junior high students in some capacity as well, probably as a volunteer in an organization. But I’ve also played with the idea of graduate school; there is a media studies program in Indianapolis that I’ve been looking into. I love the fact that I don’t have to know right now, and that the possibilities for my life are almost completely wide open. Life plans and goals scare me. There is a sophomore on the newspaper staff that has this four-year plan written out for her life. The day she told me about it, I was so scared for her, and for me. But allowing God the room to maneuver in my life and to send me wherever, whenever—while it too seems scary—has given me the freedom to live each day as I would love to continue throughout the rest of my life. It has enabled me to continue being the student of my life, not the teacher. I’ve become the participant, not the planner. Giving up the control and taking God out of the box I kept him in for so many years has been liberating for me.
There are a few things that I believe define me as an individual but I am still far from being able to define who I am. Its fun to think of myself as a work in progress, someone who’s chasing after God’s heart who’s finding my own in the process of it all.
Self Reflection Essay
I’ve never been very sure of how to start essays like this without sounding trite, or like I’m describing myself in some sort of singles advertisement. But I guess I’ll just start with the basics. I’m twenty years old and in my third year at HU. I started out as a double major, studying youth ministry and journalism but I recently dropped down to a youth ministry minor. My routine 18-credit hour semesters are behind me and I actually have time to read for my classes now. And I get to read for fun, and breath. Breathing is good. This year I have also been serving as the editor in chief of The Huntingtonian, which has occupied a lot of hours and thought in my life this year, but I absolutely love being a part of it.
I am the second of three daughters born to two people who grew up in the same little Indiana town, became teachers and got married. My dad is a basketball coach and therefore has moved us from one tiny Indiana town to another—he even spent two years coaching at a tiny college in Ohio—essentially in pursuit of winning a few games. Both of my parents came from a Christian background, but their personal faith was kind of shallow for most of my childhood. It has been just the last few years, as my faith was radically changing, that my parents’ did as well. But church was always important for them, and their background helped to build a few foundational truths in my life that I really believe have driven me to where I am—the existence of an almighty and loving God and the importance of being a part of a church family. Children’s church, Sunday school, Vacation Bible School and church camps helped to fill in all of the gaps for me and when I was nine I began to understand who Jesus was and what a monumental thing he did for me. I was baptized the summer before I started fourth grade.
My faith for about three years was much like my parents, shallow and without any real responsibility of action or service to God. Through junior high though, with youth group, some really great conferences I got to attend and summer camp, I started to realize what it looked like not to simply accept what Jesus did for me, but to live like Christ’s sacrifice meant something to me. When I was sixteen I attended a Christ in Youth conference in South Carolina with my youth group, and felt God calling me to prepare myself for a life of ministry. At the time I felt like if you were called to minister, it meant that it was to be a full-time vocation. I began teaching children’s church and my youth pastor Brad became a great mentor and brother-like presence in my life. I started my freshman year at Huntington double majoring in youth ministry and journalism, as I said before. It was always an internal struggle for me—I felt like I had to choose between youth ministry and journalism, something that I have a natural talent and passion for.
The past two and a half years at HU have taught me that every call from God is perfectly tailored to each individual. Working with youth will always be a priority in my life, but taking a leadership role in a church or ministry organization is not where God is calling me right now, it seems. But when God spoke to me at 16, I was limiting the possibilities he had for my life. I always thought that my persistence to study journalism was me being selfish, but I am almost sure that is where he wants me to be. But what am I going to do when this college stage of my life is over? I really couldn’t tell you. I’d love to be writing for a news outlet somewhere, and working with junior high students in some capacity as well, probably as a volunteer in an organization. But I’ve also played with the idea of graduate school; there is a media studies program in Indianapolis that I’ve been looking into. I love the fact that I don’t have to know right now, and that the possibilities for my life are almost completely wide open. Life plans and goals scare me. There is a sophomore on the newspaper staff that has this four-year plan written out for her life. The day she told me about it, I was so scared for her, and for me. But allowing God the room to maneuver in my life and to send me wherever, whenever—while it too seems scary—has given me the freedom to live each day as I would love to continue throughout the rest of my life. It has enabled me to continue being the student of my life, not the teacher. I’ve become the participant, not the planner. Giving up the control and taking God out of the box I kept him in for so many years has been liberating for me.
There are a few things that I believe define me as an individual but I am still far from being able to define who I am. Its fun to think of myself as a work in progress, someone who’s chasing after God’s heart who’s finding my own in the process of it all.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
I'm ready for something, anything.
"So, where do you go to school?" asked the friendly acquaintance.
"Huntington University," I said. "Its close to Ft. Wayne. "
"What is your major?"
"Journalism."
"Oh, so you're gonna change the world, huh?"
End of conversation.
I cannot even convey to you the number of times I have had this conversation since I started school. The next time someone asks me what I'm studying, I think I'll say I'm just here for my Mrs. degree. They'd probably be happier with that than to hear that I plan to be a part of the evil liberal media.
I just thought that this was a humorous pattern of conversation for me. I've begun to laugh a little when people ask me the question because I know how they are going to react to my answer. I don't know how aspiring to be a reporter became this joke to people. And at the opposite of that, a lot of people view it as this noble profession that's "going to change the world," as my acquaintances have often said to me tongue-in-cheek. Why can't it just be a career choice?Like studying business or English or biology. People assume that I have all of these convictions and that I'm a journalist because I need a means to carry out some kind of agenda. But there's no agenda. I'm just in love. With real, objective journalism. I love telling other people's stories. They are far more interesting than most anything that has ever happened to me.
And most times--in my very amateur experience writing thus far--the reward has not been the story with my byline at the top, but the interview process. When you ask just the right question, and the subject starts to open up to you like a friend and you can't scribble fast enough because everything they say is fantastic.
But this kind of (not really) leads me into something I've been struggling with. Lately, I don't feel like life is happening to me. Its like I'm a reporter in this capacity as well, and everyone else's stories fill my time and thoughts and life to a point where I don't even notice anything happening to me. And maybe that's it. Life just isn't happening to me right now, and the drama that comes with it has been missing for quite sometime (no complaints about this though). I'm in some sort of strange limbo. Let's look at a few examples.
One of my friends has been calling me with a life full of drama and indecision. And it all stemmed from a simple question her boss asked her--"What makes you the happiest?"She didn't have an answer for him. Warning signals started to sound as she realized that her answer probably should have been something like this--"When I'm spending time with my boyfriend." But she admits that she doesn't enjoy being with him anymore, but she doesn't want to deal with breaking up with him because they will probably split up when he heads off to grad school next year anyway. Tonight she told me that she is happy with him, but she knows she could be happier. Happy is happy, isn't that enough? I listened for awhile and we discussed and I played my famous role of devil's advocate until she got frustrated with the complexity of it all. But the conversation left me with one question...
When is life going to happen to me?
My old roommate is studying abroad in Oxford. She's overwhelmed most days but loving every minute of it. She doesn't get the chance to email very often, but when she does it is all about the people she's met and the places she's getting to see in both London and Oxford. Her classes start this week which are going to be so hard and she knows it, but I think she's excited to see if she's going to be able to cut it. To see how she'll fare among some of the brightest students in the world. I'm so happy for her through all of this, but it left me asking...
When is life going to happen to me?
My new roommate is in the middle of a budding relationship with a guy she's been friends with for 2 years. She gets giggly when she talks about him and anxious waiting for her cell phone to ring. His name pops up into almost every conversation we have and it has been really fun witnessing all of the "pre-lab" steps to their potential relationship. But seriously...
When is life going to happen to me?
I promise that I'm not just sitting in my room, waiting for something good to hit me over the head. I've felt so numb and in the middle of everyone's life lately that I feel like I'd take anything at the moment. Which leads me to one more story...
One of my closest friends is going through a divorce. He's 23. I know it sounds awful, especially when you know that his wife was cheating on him. With another woman. It has all of the stigma and religious complexity thrown into it to make it more hurtful than simply a broken relationship. And through all of it, he maintains that he still loves her. After nearly 6 months of her being emotionally absent in their marriage. After forcing him to live at his grandma's but still make payments on their home, a house that she's most likely sharing with her girlfriend most nights.
But three months later, my friend is picking up the fragments of his ideal life and starting to build something for himself that will hopefully exceed every dream and expectation he ever had for himself. He's going back to finish college and playing in his church's worship band, just trying to recover. I talk to him a lot about all the things he's learning and how much his life's changed so fast...
But when is life going to happen to me?
Maybe I'm a journalist because telling other people's stories is all I have right now. Maybe. And just maybe, I'll start to feel like I have my own stories to tell. Maybe. When life starts happening to me.
"Huntington University," I said. "Its close to Ft. Wayne. "
"What is your major?"
"Journalism."
"Oh, so you're gonna change the world, huh?"
End of conversation.
I cannot even convey to you the number of times I have had this conversation since I started school. The next time someone asks me what I'm studying, I think I'll say I'm just here for my Mrs. degree. They'd probably be happier with that than to hear that I plan to be a part of the evil liberal media.
I just thought that this was a humorous pattern of conversation for me. I've begun to laugh a little when people ask me the question because I know how they are going to react to my answer. I don't know how aspiring to be a reporter became this joke to people. And at the opposite of that, a lot of people view it as this noble profession that's "going to change the world," as my acquaintances have often said to me tongue-in-cheek. Why can't it just be a career choice?Like studying business or English or biology. People assume that I have all of these convictions and that I'm a journalist because I need a means to carry out some kind of agenda. But there's no agenda. I'm just in love. With real, objective journalism. I love telling other people's stories. They are far more interesting than most anything that has ever happened to me.
And most times--in my very amateur experience writing thus far--the reward has not been the story with my byline at the top, but the interview process. When you ask just the right question, and the subject starts to open up to you like a friend and you can't scribble fast enough because everything they say is fantastic.
But this kind of (not really) leads me into something I've been struggling with. Lately, I don't feel like life is happening to me. Its like I'm a reporter in this capacity as well, and everyone else's stories fill my time and thoughts and life to a point where I don't even notice anything happening to me. And maybe that's it. Life just isn't happening to me right now, and the drama that comes with it has been missing for quite sometime (no complaints about this though). I'm in some sort of strange limbo. Let's look at a few examples.
One of my friends has been calling me with a life full of drama and indecision. And it all stemmed from a simple question her boss asked her--"What makes you the happiest?"She didn't have an answer for him. Warning signals started to sound as she realized that her answer probably should have been something like this--"When I'm spending time with my boyfriend." But she admits that she doesn't enjoy being with him anymore, but she doesn't want to deal with breaking up with him because they will probably split up when he heads off to grad school next year anyway. Tonight she told me that she is happy with him, but she knows she could be happier. Happy is happy, isn't that enough? I listened for awhile and we discussed and I played my famous role of devil's advocate until she got frustrated with the complexity of it all. But the conversation left me with one question...
When is life going to happen to me?
My old roommate is studying abroad in Oxford. She's overwhelmed most days but loving every minute of it. She doesn't get the chance to email very often, but when she does it is all about the people she's met and the places she's getting to see in both London and Oxford. Her classes start this week which are going to be so hard and she knows it, but I think she's excited to see if she's going to be able to cut it. To see how she'll fare among some of the brightest students in the world. I'm so happy for her through all of this, but it left me asking...
When is life going to happen to me?
My new roommate is in the middle of a budding relationship with a guy she's been friends with for 2 years. She gets giggly when she talks about him and anxious waiting for her cell phone to ring. His name pops up into almost every conversation we have and it has been really fun witnessing all of the "pre-lab" steps to their potential relationship. But seriously...
When is life going to happen to me?
I promise that I'm not just sitting in my room, waiting for something good to hit me over the head. I've felt so numb and in the middle of everyone's life lately that I feel like I'd take anything at the moment. Which leads me to one more story...
One of my closest friends is going through a divorce. He's 23. I know it sounds awful, especially when you know that his wife was cheating on him. With another woman. It has all of the stigma and religious complexity thrown into it to make it more hurtful than simply a broken relationship. And through all of it, he maintains that he still loves her. After nearly 6 months of her being emotionally absent in their marriage. After forcing him to live at his grandma's but still make payments on their home, a house that she's most likely sharing with her girlfriend most nights.
But three months later, my friend is picking up the fragments of his ideal life and starting to build something for himself that will hopefully exceed every dream and expectation he ever had for himself. He's going back to finish college and playing in his church's worship band, just trying to recover. I talk to him a lot about all the things he's learning and how much his life's changed so fast...
But when is life going to happen to me?
Maybe I'm a journalist because telling other people's stories is all I have right now. Maybe. And just maybe, I'll start to feel like I have my own stories to tell. Maybe. When life starts happening to me.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
My Dearest J-term,
Thank you so much. Because you exist I get 2 1/2 weeks of vacation without actually having to be at my parent's house. And I love my parents but the craziness they bring into my life can only be tolerated for so long. If I had to wake up, walk out into the kitchen for a bagel only to be met by my fully caffeinated mother talking to me so fast I wasn't sure if it was a real language one more time, I'm not sure if I could have survived.
But thanks to you, J-term. I get to be in my dorm room with my comfy bed and dark curtains. My head has begun to hate natural lighting and my curtains and light bright lamp really accommodate this. Only during J-term do I have time to think about such things.
Also, J-term, I am thankful for you because it has given me uninterrupted hours to bond with my new roommate. Since you give us all the time in the world to waste away, we can spend hours watching amazingly good movies (and sometimes bad, because sometimes you are only in the mood to watch a really bad movie) or talking about nothing. Normally, as students we would feel guilty about these activities. During the regular semester the only comfort time we allow ourselves is a run to Coffee D'Vine, and even with that we are justifying that the caffeine fix will help us complete our unfathomable amounts of reading and other assignments. But now, you have given us all the time we could want to enjoy ourselves on campus.
Now my friend, I do not want to sound like I'm complaining about the regular semester, but getting to know you has made me realize how unique and special you are. You are not be be taken for granted, J-term. You are a bright, shining couple of weeks in my college career, and I should be treating you as the gift from God you are.
I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you. I wish we could be together always.
Love,
SG
But thanks to you, J-term. I get to be in my dorm room with my comfy bed and dark curtains. My head has begun to hate natural lighting and my curtains and light bright lamp really accommodate this. Only during J-term do I have time to think about such things.
Also, J-term, I am thankful for you because it has given me uninterrupted hours to bond with my new roommate. Since you give us all the time in the world to waste away, we can spend hours watching amazingly good movies (and sometimes bad, because sometimes you are only in the mood to watch a really bad movie) or talking about nothing. Normally, as students we would feel guilty about these activities. During the regular semester the only comfort time we allow ourselves is a run to Coffee D'Vine, and even with that we are justifying that the caffeine fix will help us complete our unfathomable amounts of reading and other assignments. But now, you have given us all the time we could want to enjoy ourselves on campus.
Now my friend, I do not want to sound like I'm complaining about the regular semester, but getting to know you has made me realize how unique and special you are. You are not be be taken for granted, J-term. You are a bright, shining couple of weeks in my college career, and I should be treating you as the gift from God you are.
I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you. I wish we could be together always.
Love,
SG
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Avoiding the Second-hand
Finally finished "The Fountainhead" last night and the themes and characters have been swimming in my head all day. Its just this amazing book--everything reminds me of something I read in "The Fountainhead."
So the book revolves around two architects, Howard Roark--a genius who has the capability to revolutionize the field--and Peter Keating--mediocrity in the form of a man, who becomes rich and popular doing what mediocre people do best...copying other peoples work. Roark is harboring a ton of genius underneath his unabashed self conceit and Keating only has the appearance of genius and self respect. The theme of NYC at the time is to serve others, to rid yourself of all selfishness. Rand contends that this is how mediocrity is bread. You deny yourself self-respect and you start creating for the sake of others--for notoriety, to please fill the needs of anyone but yourself. You start to depend on people and their good opinion of you that if you lose it your life is essentially over. According to Rand, real creative genius comes out of complete selfishness. And in the context of the story, this made complete sense. She took this idea of living life for others, and the beaty of self sacrifice and turned it on its head. It became the root of evil in the world... not selfishness.
This just one of the ideas she weaved into this book. If you ever feel like you have the time to dive into a 700-page novel... grab this one. It's changed me. Because although I don't agree with a lot of the ideas in the book, including the one I probably failed in trying to describe to you, I wanted to agree with her. I really wanted to believe that by becoming so independent that I could live without relationships, completely secure in my own abilities and strength, I would actually be making the world a better place.
But throughout the book I was constantly, if not grudgingly reminded that there was a presence missing in this book. God wasn't there. Not as the sourse of genius bestowed upon Roark or the reason for the self-sacrifice and service constantly preached by power-hungry Toohey. And I know that he's the source of all my abilities, and the only critic that should be worth anything to me.
But it was an experience, living in this author's world for awhile, where masochism was the route to happiness and power killed everything it touched.
Now I'm starting "Daisy Miller." I love J-term... where I simply get to enjoy musicals, movies, books and my new roommate. She's great and fun and lighthearted and I think its going to be a fun semester. We'll see how we fare I guess. Its nice to be living someone from the comm. department, who understands when I start off on an "I hate Miller" rant, then want to cry I love him so much the very next day. It's not just me...these are the extreme emotions this man pulls out of you.
I miss my Sarah in Oxford. She's going to come back worldy and cultured and smarter than me (she already was, but its going to be worse). But I'm proud of her... I miss her.
So the book revolves around two architects, Howard Roark--a genius who has the capability to revolutionize the field--and Peter Keating--mediocrity in the form of a man, who becomes rich and popular doing what mediocre people do best...copying other peoples work. Roark is harboring a ton of genius underneath his unabashed self conceit and Keating only has the appearance of genius and self respect. The theme of NYC at the time is to serve others, to rid yourself of all selfishness. Rand contends that this is how mediocrity is bread. You deny yourself self-respect and you start creating for the sake of others--for notoriety, to please fill the needs of anyone but yourself. You start to depend on people and their good opinion of you that if you lose it your life is essentially over. According to Rand, real creative genius comes out of complete selfishness. And in the context of the story, this made complete sense. She took this idea of living life for others, and the beaty of self sacrifice and turned it on its head. It became the root of evil in the world... not selfishness.
This just one of the ideas she weaved into this book. If you ever feel like you have the time to dive into a 700-page novel... grab this one. It's changed me. Because although I don't agree with a lot of the ideas in the book, including the one I probably failed in trying to describe to you, I wanted to agree with her. I really wanted to believe that by becoming so independent that I could live without relationships, completely secure in my own abilities and strength, I would actually be making the world a better place.
But throughout the book I was constantly, if not grudgingly reminded that there was a presence missing in this book. God wasn't there. Not as the sourse of genius bestowed upon Roark or the reason for the self-sacrifice and service constantly preached by power-hungry Toohey. And I know that he's the source of all my abilities, and the only critic that should be worth anything to me.
But it was an experience, living in this author's world for awhile, where masochism was the route to happiness and power killed everything it touched.
Now I'm starting "Daisy Miller." I love J-term... where I simply get to enjoy musicals, movies, books and my new roommate. She's great and fun and lighthearted and I think its going to be a fun semester. We'll see how we fare I guess. Its nice to be living someone from the comm. department, who understands when I start off on an "I hate Miller" rant, then want to cry I love him so much the very next day. It's not just me...these are the extreme emotions this man pulls out of you.
I miss my Sarah in Oxford. She's going to come back worldy and cultured and smarter than me (she already was, but its going to be worse). But I'm proud of her... I miss her.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
And all this through self-reflection
I'm 20 years old, and I'm set in my ways.
I never meet anyone new anymore. Freshman year I did it out of survival. If I was going to make it so that I had at least one person to converse with in a day, I had to make a friend.
And I did meet some amazing people who have become my world. But that's it, it's my world. And when that delicate balance is threatened I go nuts. I do not step out of my comfort zone. Ever. Public speaking? No, thanks. And writing my column for the newspaper, where my thoughts and character and person are laid out there over two columns and 300 words? It is like pulling teeth to get that thing finished. Just the thought that someone could get to know me through that horrible column makes me sick. So I try to make it as poignant as possible without ever actually letting anyone in.
I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. And the number one reason, excluding the fact that I am a known feminist and man-hater--not to mention the scales underneath my clothes, is that I have refused to meet anyone. I don't make eye contact, actively listen or share myself in anyway with a person I meet. I shut them out. I don't have the time for anyone new in my life.
It has recently come to my attention that by shutting people out, even the evil male population, I could be limiting the opportunities God has out there for me. And while I do genuinely love my life right now and the direction it is leading, I'm not by any means comfortable in saying that this is all he has for me. But by not letting people in, that is exactly what I'm doing.
So tonight I did the unthinkable. One of many unthinkables I will probably allow in my life.
I let a friend set me up.
And it was hell. Utter torture at times...Completely awkward. He was shy and wouldn't talk and I leaned on my other friends there as this crutch and I hardly interacted with the poor guy at all. But at the same time, during all the awkwardness I could feel myself thriving underneath all the possibilities that meeting someone new brings into your life. And now, at the very least, I have a new facebook friend. Not so bad, really.
So I might be set in my ways, but I'm working on it. Promise.
I never meet anyone new anymore. Freshman year I did it out of survival. If I was going to make it so that I had at least one person to converse with in a day, I had to make a friend.
And I did meet some amazing people who have become my world. But that's it, it's my world. And when that delicate balance is threatened I go nuts. I do not step out of my comfort zone. Ever. Public speaking? No, thanks. And writing my column for the newspaper, where my thoughts and character and person are laid out there over two columns and 300 words? It is like pulling teeth to get that thing finished. Just the thought that someone could get to know me through that horrible column makes me sick. So I try to make it as poignant as possible without ever actually letting anyone in.
I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. And the number one reason, excluding the fact that I am a known feminist and man-hater--not to mention the scales underneath my clothes, is that I have refused to meet anyone. I don't make eye contact, actively listen or share myself in anyway with a person I meet. I shut them out. I don't have the time for anyone new in my life.
It has recently come to my attention that by shutting people out, even the evil male population, I could be limiting the opportunities God has out there for me. And while I do genuinely love my life right now and the direction it is leading, I'm not by any means comfortable in saying that this is all he has for me. But by not letting people in, that is exactly what I'm doing.
So tonight I did the unthinkable. One of many unthinkables I will probably allow in my life.
I let a friend set me up.
And it was hell. Utter torture at times...Completely awkward. He was shy and wouldn't talk and I leaned on my other friends there as this crutch and I hardly interacted with the poor guy at all. But at the same time, during all the awkwardness I could feel myself thriving underneath all the possibilities that meeting someone new brings into your life. And now, at the very least, I have a new facebook friend. Not so bad, really.
So I might be set in my ways, but I'm working on it. Promise.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
It's been forever
I have tried to log on here and post countless times...but it wouldn't let me. I was beginning to curse blogger beta, but we can be friends again. Let me tell you, when this is your outlet for stress and frustration, not loading was just not going to cut it the past week and a half. I had to actually call a friend and complain about life for awhile, because that is what blogging is for me... kind of. anyway. Now that I am FINISHED with finals and heading home for break I have nothing to write about. Go figure. So instead I'm going to post my "From the Editor" column from this month. Hope you enjoy it.
So help me, I’ve become a blogger
Sometimes your professor is right.
At least, mine was last fall. An adjunct professor assigned each of us to start a blog and write in it daily. It was a class that really relied on creative writing, and he said blogging would turn us into better writers.
Being the egotistical journalist that I am and believing I had reached my creative peak at 19, I took the assignment merely at face value. When I had time, I would blog.
Most of the time I would watch “The Gilmore Girls” instead.
I got through the class, the blogging assignment over. But I still found myself at my computer everyday, logging in to share a little bit of myself.
I started blogging about anything and everything. A class I was enjoying. A Bible passage I was wrestling with. A story about one of the amazingly quirky girls I live with on Roush 3rd.
It has become this great part of my day, where I can be my most creative and most honest self at the same time.
And the best part is there are no expectations. I can spell horribly and use the wrong punctuation. Leads don’t exist in blogs, and I never have to worry over whether or not an entry is flowing.
It is a writer’s dream.
Because let’s face it, no one reads your blog. The potential is out there for anyone in the world to log on and see what you have to say, but they don’t. I’m pretty confidant that two people in the world read mine consistently. And that’s okay. It’s not for you anyway.
Blogging has become my yoga. I can write whatever I want, whenever I want and it’s like a yoga class when the instructor turns the lights out. No one can see me wallowing around on the floor, trying to catch my balance.
So Greg Francis was right. Blogging has made me a better writer, and that’s great. But it has also started to define me in a way.
I am a blogger.
Anyway, that's my column for December... which contained a little shout out to Greg, the reason I have this blog.
So help me, I’ve become a blogger
“Spend the hour blogging, and you will discover many more free hours during the
day.”-Mickey Kaus
Sometimes your professor is right.
At least, mine was last fall. An adjunct professor assigned each of us to start a blog and write in it daily. It was a class that really relied on creative writing, and he said blogging would turn us into better writers.
Being the egotistical journalist that I am and believing I had reached my creative peak at 19, I took the assignment merely at face value. When I had time, I would blog.
Most of the time I would watch “The Gilmore Girls” instead.
I got through the class, the blogging assignment over. But I still found myself at my computer everyday, logging in to share a little bit of myself.
I started blogging about anything and everything. A class I was enjoying. A Bible passage I was wrestling with. A story about one of the amazingly quirky girls I live with on Roush 3rd.
It has become this great part of my day, where I can be my most creative and most honest self at the same time.
And the best part is there are no expectations. I can spell horribly and use the wrong punctuation. Leads don’t exist in blogs, and I never have to worry over whether or not an entry is flowing.
It is a writer’s dream.
Because let’s face it, no one reads your blog. The potential is out there for anyone in the world to log on and see what you have to say, but they don’t. I’m pretty confidant that two people in the world read mine consistently. And that’s okay. It’s not for you anyway.
Blogging has become my yoga. I can write whatever I want, whenever I want and it’s like a yoga class when the instructor turns the lights out. No one can see me wallowing around on the floor, trying to catch my balance.
So Greg Francis was right. Blogging has made me a better writer, and that’s great. But it has also started to define me in a way.
I am a blogger.
Anyway, that's my column for December... which contained a little shout out to Greg, the reason I have this blog.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
A life less like the one I'm living
Last night I was helping my sister make a blanket for a church auction, and we both got sucked into Dateline. Usually, I hate these faux news shows because well, I'm a media snob. I can't help it, I'm a product of the HU communications education I'm receiving. Anyway... I didn't watch any of the sex offender part of the show, but I did watch a segment about a gunman who walked into a college building in Ohio and killed one man, injured a few others and basically took 93 others hostage for more than 7 hours. It was really interesting because the man was 62 years old, and obviously mentally unstable.
But that is not the really why I'm writing. They showed some courtroom footage from the case and one of the hostages took the stand. He said that as soon as he saw the gunman he thought he was going to die. He said: "I just started thinking to myself, have I lived the best life I know how?"
I thought about that question for awhile but I was scared to ask it of myself. Because I obviously haven't lived as well as I know how. Sometimes it feels like I'm giving life my all, doing everything I can, but it's a lie really. My years since I graduated from high school have been this strange sort of half-life, where the focal point of my existence has been myself--my education, my feelings, my wants, my needs.
But that is not the really why I'm writing. They showed some courtroom footage from the case and one of the hostages took the stand. He said that as soon as he saw the gunman he thought he was going to die. He said: "I just started thinking to myself, have I lived the best life I know how?"
I thought about that question for awhile but I was scared to ask it of myself. Because I obviously haven't lived as well as I know how. Sometimes it feels like I'm giving life my all, doing everything I can, but it's a lie really. My years since I graduated from high school have been this strange sort of half-life, where the focal point of my existence has been myself--my education, my feelings, my wants, my needs.
But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what
God is looking for in men and women.It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just
to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And
don't take yourself too seriously—take God seriously. —Micah 6:8 (The
Message)
It hurts to read such beautiful words when who you are falls so short from who
He's called you to be.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Every people-group has a local idiot...
So this afternoon I happened to catch a really great episode of SNL w/ Scarlett Johansson and Death Cab for Cutie, which in itself makes it a great episode. But the weekend update made it great. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler played this game called the Nutbird News Quiz, where Fey read a quote and Poehler had to decide if it came from the mouth of Roberston or a crazy homeless man who lived down the street. It was hilarious, and prompted me to research some of the most asinine and classic Robertson quotes. Here are my favorites--Dumb things Pat Robertson said:
"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." --Pat Robertson
"(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." --Pat Robertson
"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial.
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." --Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
This one is related to it:"Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,' and 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping." --Pat Robertson, clarifying his call to assassinate Hugo Chavez
"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together."--Pat Robertson
"It's one thing to say, 'We have rights to jobs ... we have rights to be left alone in out little corner of the world to do our thing.' It's an entirely different thing to say, well, 'We're not only going to go into the schools and we're going to take your children and your grandchildren and turn them into homosexuals.' Now that's wrong. -- Pat Robertson, 1992
And here it is... possibly the most insane thing uttered by a person, ever:
"When I hit 570 pounds, it was a big deal. I called everybody in the gym to come look at what I'd done. Then one Saturday we went up to 800 pounds. Then later my doctor who was working with me got me up to 1,500. I went up 1,400, 1,500, 1,600, 1,700 ... in one day. The last time, it was one lift, I went 2,000 pounds." --Pat Robertson, on his ability to leg-press a ton.
"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." --Pat Robertson
"(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." --Pat Robertson
"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial.
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." --Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
This one is related to it:"Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,' and 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping." --Pat Robertson, clarifying his call to assassinate Hugo Chavez
"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together."--Pat Robertson
"It's one thing to say, 'We have rights to jobs ... we have rights to be left alone in out little corner of the world to do our thing.' It's an entirely different thing to say, well, 'We're not only going to go into the schools and we're going to take your children and your grandchildren and turn them into homosexuals.' Now that's wrong. -- Pat Robertson, 1992
And here it is... possibly the most insane thing uttered by a person, ever:
"When I hit 570 pounds, it was a big deal. I called everybody in the gym to come look at what I'd done. Then one Saturday we went up to 800 pounds. Then later my doctor who was working with me got me up to 1,500. I went up 1,400, 1,500, 1,600, 1,700 ... in one day. The last time, it was one lift, I went 2,000 pounds." --Pat Robertson, on his ability to leg-press a ton.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)