So I guess I'm writing here because I'm pretty sure no one ever reads it. I'm just pissed off, mostly at myself for being this mad. And tonight I think I realized that I'm jealous of her and that makes me sick to my stomach. Because she was probably lonely forever and never even had very good friends. And now she's thin, and beautiful and really happy with her life and I'm mad at her for not being there for us. When her whole teenage life I felt sorry because all she had was us. And I was off making stupid decisions with stupid boys.

But, all rationality aside for a minute, why am I the third wheel? One talks about the other behind her back, but as soon as she walked in the door she just flung herself on her and didn't let go. And she invited her to her apartment next week and not me. They talked about it over and over, and then they were like, well why aren't you coming Sarah, what do you have going on. And she's going back to work next week and taking off while I'm in Paris so that I get to see her a total of 3 days over break, all of which she'll be talking on her cell phone to him, or mooning over the new video Ipod that she got from him.

Why am I such a wretched person, and why do I feel like Jo March right now? Why do we have to grow up?