Finally, a piece of redemptive fiction

"It was a cult of death: in the end there was no symbol in human history more disconcerting to Amos than Jesus on the cross. Amos was drunk, okay, he would admit it, but he loved Jesus, he loved the doomed baby and the serious little boy in the temple addressing his elders, and he adored the man Jesus became, the crafty magician sneaking into villages and healing the least of his brethren and whispering Tell no one I was here. Amos could think about Jesus for hours, how he inverted the status quo and begged us to lay down our weapons, how (and his is a stunner, as far as Amos was concerned) one of the tests scholars apply to the Gospels, in trying to determine what might be legitimately ascribed to Jesus, is this: what speech, what gesture, is the most unlikely in first-century Palestine? Find those, and ecce homo, you've found the Man. -- The Solace of Leaving Early, Haven Kimmel


Its three in the morning and I just finished this book. Shame on me for staying up so late when our youth group has a service project in the morning. But I just sunk my teeth into this book and I couldn't stop until I had found out how it was all to be resolved. And while I know that this book has everything to do with questioning huge, impersonal theological and religious ideas in the context of a broken relationship, I couldn't help but see God moving in every page, through these fictional characters. And it got me thinking about something Jesus said to his disciples about prayer, something like if dads on earth know what kind of gifts to give their children, how much more perfectly does our Heavenly Father know how to give to us. Because if this work of fiction, created by one simple, imperfect person, can portray God's relationship with humanity in such a beautiful language, how much more perfect is the real thing--God's story written about how he longs for me to forget about my past and my insecurities and just wrap my entire self around his leg like a three year old who wants her dad to take her for a ride. I was laying in bed for awhile, but I wanted to get my thoughts down so I could look back on this post someday and remember the awe I'm feeling right now. I think that I'm in a season of my life where I can't figure out why anyone takes the time or effort to invest in me... so to be hit with the unmistakeable truth that the King of Eternity longs for me to dwell in Him, to find my comfort in Him, to find my acceptance in Him is a kind of revolutionary thought for me right now. A concept that has been bred and instilled in me all my life, but until now hasn't been translated as pure, unadulterated love.

Yoga was my best friend last night... It saved me from imploding, I think. After the day I had, I needed that hour to focus on my breathing and movement, but I mostly needed to NOT be focusing on the day because it was so horrible.

I'll give some credit to my friends, I really think they thought they were being supportive. But if I had to hear one more, "Why is she getting married again?" I don't know what I would have done. Wait, I do know. I would have screamed at one of them, like I did to my mother. Because you can show horrible sides of yourself to your mom that you hide from your friends because, let's face it, your mom is obligated to love you anyway. And why I'm sure my friends would still love me if I had a nervous breakdown in front of them, but I would scare them for sure.

But I did find a dress that I don't totally hate. But now I have to come up with bridal shower games, yuck.

Vacation without rest

It's weird how during the school year when I have so much work to do I find the time to update this every day, and now that its summer I never seem to update. Probably because there is nothing going on in my life that is of any significance.

It kind of feels like everything is happening to people all around me, and nothing at all to me. I'm pretty restless at the moment...

Heading to the Smokies for a week of family time. Its going to be a test of my patience, mostly because I have none when it comes to my sisters. My goal is to not be the cause of any argument this week, and even though I see about a million problems brewing up in my family I'm not going to bring light to any of them because frankly, that is not supposed to be my role. I'm going to let my parents be parents and my sisters be the adults they are becoming. This is a huge step for me. I might tell you if I have success with my new attitude, and if I don't you'll know I failed miserably.