Clearing the air

I love the fall, the crispness in the air and the colors. But right now, laying outside and smelling this spring afternoon, the grass and flowers and warmth, it seems like nothing could top this.

Since I started my 40-50 Hour job that has me waking and sleeping at funny hours, I haven't had a lot of down time. Last Friday we had a paid holdiay for Good Friday, and I will tell you one thing, I had no idea what to do with myself. I slept in... but then I cleaned, and baked and dyed Easter Eggs. That is how lost I was, I was an adult dying easter eggs by myself. i don't know how to sit on the couch all day. movie and television marathons... i haven't watch seasons 1-3 of veronica mars since I was depressed and only left my apartment when I hated myself so much I wanted to eat double cheeseburgers (the entire months of October and November, I lived off Steak N' Shake, Wendy's and Rally's... YUCK

But the question is this... what do you do with your life if you don't want to be a lazy, depressed sack? I started to read a book, but that feels like something foreign to me right now, I just can't focus on anything. I have been reading a lot of magazines and online articles, but I haven't read a book since I stopped going to school. That, to me, is a very sad fact. I'll get there though.

You know the phrase, "You just need to get this off of your chest." Well, words have never rang truer for me lately. I have sort of started to regret my last post, and i appreciate all the kind words that I have gotten about it, but I'm glad I did it because it might have been the kick I needed to get over my issue (which isn't a guy, I promise, it's about something a little bigger and dearer to my heart). It's not fixed, but I think I'm at a place where I don't need to be. The air is clear, I'm not feeling constantly stifled anymore like I have something to hide... Breathing in deeply the air of openness and a clear conscience.

I hope, if anyone is still listening, that you are blessed today.