Lent and Homesickness

Why has it taken me until know to really hear Greg Laswell's stuff? "Comes and Goes" (some of the song posted below) is so great.

This one's for the lonely
The ones that seek and find
Only to be let down
Time after time
This one's for the torn down
The experts at the fall
Come on friends get up now
You're not alone at all

This one's for the faithless
The ones that are surprised
They are only where they are now
Regardless of their fight
This one's for believing
If only for it's sake
Come on friends get up now
Love is to be made

Between the ages of 11 and 18, I was really big into writing verse. Isn't that something every adolescent girl does though? Lay around on her bed, filling notebooks with deep, heartfelt dribble that rhymed... okay, probably not all girls... but I'm sure this wasn't a unique practice to me. Looking back, I guess its kind of sweet that I spent so many nights writing my thoughts, hopes and prayers like they meant so much, just because they meant a lot to me. And man, I thought that crap was so good that I even subjected people to it on occasion. But like I said, I don't think I've written anything resembling a poem since I started college.

And lately I wish that I had more of that poetry writer inside of me. She was silly to be sure, and on the superficial side. But I was a kid who felt deeply. I hadn't built up very many barriers when it came to my emotions. And most importantly, I felt the freedom to express myself. I've turned into a self-critic, especially when it comes to writing. When I start a blog post, or a story, I just think the piece to death. Learning more about writing has kind of imprisoned me. I don't want to write something unless it is smart, or funny--even if its for myself. And when you are concerned with sounding smart, you lose the honesty in the whole thing.

And so I haven't been writing like I should be, or reading much of anything. Because when I read, or hear a really good song... I feel homesick for the self-expression the I love. I have sat down at this computer several times, with every intention of writing something, and I just feel like I have forgotten how to do it. It's like I can't get back home... I desperately want to go back and erase that statement... but I have got to stop editing myself.

So its the season of Lent. And I haven't had any sugar in my system since Fat Tuesday (I've only had one day at work when I was sitting in the cafeteria, convince that a candy bar would solve all of my problems). But I think that I am going to use these fourty days leading up to Easter to focus on my writing, and see if I can gain back a little bit of what I've lost...