The comeback kid

So I haven't been writing. Not even a little. No words on paper or typed into a keyboard unless I was paid to do it. And I'm sitting here and I am not even sure if I'm going to be able to finish this blog. Who is reading this? What do they want to hear? What do I have to say that is worth taking the time to transcribe into this completely public yet muffled forum that will get drowned out by anyone who has a clearer, sharper, better voice than mine...

I'm only sitting here struggling through this today because I started doing yoga again. And it has been painful and awkward, and lets face it, I'm just a fat girl rolling around on the floor. There are moves that I am no longer able to do, like the tree pose... But it is okay because I'm doing it by myself, in my apartment, where it is safe to look stupid.

It has been so nice just to stand and focus on my breath. At work, sometimes I get so stressed/frustrated... I will read a particularly nasty email and I clench my jaw, start in on my overly-polite reply and get through half of it before I realize that I have forgotten to breathe. How do you forget and involuntary action? I guess I'm just special.

So my two weeks of practicing yoga again--as well as some other exercise--has made me remember how good it feels to do things that are good for me. And I really think that this thing, writing, is probably the most valuable habit I've ever had. Because I've worked out a lot of nasty stuff this way.

I wrote a column in college about how yoga is like blogging. The medium that I've chosen to help myself become a better writer. Healthier. It was the place where I really think that I found my voice when I was in college. I look back through some of the posts, and sure, it brings back a lot of memories. But I don't actually remember writing them. How I came up with the ideas--the words--where I got me motivated to pick up my computer and let loose... I don't remember what it is like to be good at this. To feel fulfilled by it. I think that's the reason that this one blog post has been one of the hardest things to get down. It has been painful.

But I finished it. And there will be more. There has to be more. Because I'm a writer. It is my favorite thing about myself. And you cannot be defined by something without doing it. Pen to paper, keystrokes clicking and clacking away.

So I'm writing again. Let's see what we find out.