Sick and tired

So lately I'm starting to become dissatisfied with my life. I promise that this is a healthy thing. Because my life right now is not how I ever thought it would turn out. It is not even a proper reflection of me, or at least who I want to be.

I'm not really talking about my job. Although, yes, I would love to find something to do with my life that I care about... if anyone would like to hire me to work for them... I'm ready and willing to get out of Boston... And I'm not talking about relationships really, either. I have good people--fantastic people-- in my life. They have sort of surrounded me in a protective bubble while I've found my way out the mess I made for myself the past year. They cover me with prayer and give me healthy doses of advice and reassurance that if I am a screw-up, it is a completely normal thing.

What worries me about my life right now is how little I'm giving. There are people in my life who end up getting neglected because I'm sooo needy right now. And I'm not used to being the needy one, I usually have the bare essential crap together in my life. And maybe they don't feel that way, like I don't care anymore, but they probably do. I have a contact list on my phone full of people I need to be catching up with, but I call the same 4-5 people when I have a few moments to chat. I used to call my mamaw at least once every few weeks, and I haven't spoken to her in months. I suck. I used to think that that is just how it goes. You move away... get a new job... make a life-transition and just sort of transition friends at the same time. But that just seems like laziness to me, and carelessness.

I'm sick of my day revolving around me. My life, my needs, my interests, my stomach, my aches and pains, my anxiety, my sadness, my sense of humor... Its all about me and I have a hard time stomaching myself because of it.

I need to revolve around life, not the other way around.